23. Seriously Tense Man, Even Apps Are Seriously Tense
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Okay, I'm on a roll. Just keep going. Third blog in one day...
But I need to get this one off my chest man, because this is serious. Like even for Dudes, this is serious.
I'm living in a country where I am learning to speak the lingo. To help with this, I thought it was an incredibly intelligent idea of mine to download a language app on my phone, so I can grab a lesson at a whim.
But do you know what I didn't realise? I get messages on my phone from this app saying stuff like "You are slipping down the league. Others are beating you." In other words, "boy, you are slacking, you're not doing enough, you've missed yer class and have been dicking around".
Hey, FUCK OFF.
...Got a bit undude there.
But hey, nothing is fucked here. I pay for the app once a year and don't need this fucker telling me when I should, or shouldn't, be on it.
Bling. You got a message Dude. Ah, maybe from my Special Lady. Nope. From an app reminding me that I shouldn't be slacking off and having a beer, I should be on the app like a good boy.
And at the Root is Anxiety
It could easily be argued that the software company is just trying to keep me motivated, just trying to make sure that I learn the language I paid for.
Is it bollocks.
They're only worried that I don't use it enough to pay for next year's membership.
It's an added pressure.
I recently put a To-Do List app on my phone. Not that I want things to do, but I wanted to use it as a To-Dude List (see my blog about this here). It's the opposite of a To-Do List. I get a little alarm bell to tell me to stop working, to take a nap, or take that break and do nothing for half-an-hour.
But you know what?
I get notifications from that fucker too, telling me "don't forget to use your To-Do List", or "What is your plan today?", "Don't forget to add something to do for today" - yes, I've got a task for you to do... go and fuck yerself.
Chill Out Dude, This Ain't 'Nam
I know, but it's an intrusion. It's a sign of the bullshit times we are in.
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If, like me, you are a digital nomad, staring into a bright laptop screen for more hours than you'd care, then these little well-meaning alerts begin to grate.
And I digress a little but it just highlights the bullshit, anxiety crap that people selling stuff can easily have - and I have been a salesman for 30+ years so I know.
I bought a Nintendo game for my son about a year ago "Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles" - it's a calm game with nice sounding music, birds singing, lovely graphics, and the chance to wander around everywhere at ease without any threats of losing your life. Nice.
But not really.
Your character wanders for 15 minutes from one side of the open world to another in search of some next task to complete, or a thing to buy or make to accomplish part of a campaign. Okay, in principle this is fine, but bloody hell, you finally complete one section and feel great about that and head to the next part of the game with all the parts you need, only to arrive there and be told you need 10 ingredients for a potion to be able to use these said parts... and to do this, you need to travel around the whole fuck-off world again in search of these things, only to come back later to where you are right now. Money well spent, Dude. Money well spent.
Kinda spoils the fun. And I get it, it's well-meaning. They don't want people to finish the game too quickly and decide not to buy another from them. But man, anxiety got in the way and screwed things up. As it is doing the same with apps. Designers worried that it ain't good enough as it is, so we need constant messages to not forget.
Hey, maybe I can download a toilet app so I don't forget to take a shit today.
Okay, rant over with.
Just be watchful of these little things that bring a little bit of un-dudeness into your day.
The Reverend Thomo